I never realized how hard elementary school homework is. Don't worry about the kids, they are doing fine. I am the one who is struggling. Who knew? For the amount of work I am putting in, I will probably get a report card at the end of the term. Compared to the work of the other parents at the school, the best I can hope for is a C (maybe a C-). Here is a run down of the homework conversations of recent.
"Mom, I need to know how our ancestors came to America and bring in mementos from their travels." I don't know, but rumor has it the Harrell's came over on prison ships - maybe you can bring in handcuffs.
"Mom, I need a great family recipe AND by the way we have to cook it to share with 30 people." Do you think I can claim our family recipe is a PB&J? That is easy and I have the ingredients.
"Mom, do we have a family crest?" We don't even have a family scrapbook.
"Mom, I need a show-n-tell that starts with 'G' that no one else has brought to class." How about this box of grits? Hey, maybe that will work for the family recipe, too.
"Mom, quiz me on my spelling words." Yes, where are they? "I don't know." Well, no then.
"Mom, how do you spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?" I have no idea, go Google it.
"Mom, will you sign this form? And this one? And this field trip one? And fill out this 10-page packet in triplicate?" When with the reality of a paperless society arrive?
"Mom, can I have a money for lunch? And the Fall Festival? And class pictures? And the kindergarten art project? And the field trip? And, I naively thought public education was free.
"Mom, we really, really, really need drivers for the field trip." OK, where is it? "It is an hour each way at the top of a mountain and you have to do the back and forth trip on Tuesday and Friday." I was just thinking I wanted to spend 4-hours driving in the mountains this week. Sign me up.
"Mom, I need a penny from each year 2006-2014?" Go check my wallet. "It's empty." Of course, I gave away all my money for all that school stuff. Go take them from your brother's piggy bank.
"Mom, can you help me with my math homework?" Sure. "But you have to do it this new math way." Crap, I have an engineering degree and I can't even figure out this 3rd grade math.
"Mom, can we decorate a cake for the Harvest Festival?" Oh, heck no! I'm shooting for a C on my parent report card, let's just buy one at the store.
So with this note, I say thank you to my mom, my mom-in-law, and all the mom's before me. Thank you for signing the forms and getting the supplies and writing the checks. Thank you for volunteering and driving. Thank you for organizing the class parties and raising money for the school. Thank you for helping me with all the projects and being patient when I brought home 'new math.' Thank you for doing it all with no thanks in return. Thanks for being great moms to me and all the elementary school kids of yesterday and today.
That is life in MomZania.